Teen Suicide and Jeremy

Watch "Pearl Jam - Jeremy" on YouTube

Growing up in the 90's I listened to Pearl Jam a bit. I never knew the song Jeremy was about a real boy. I memorised the lyrics and sang along.
It helped relieve some of my pain from bullying and rejection. I had no idea it was about a 15 year old boy who felt so desperate he shot himself.
I wonder what it is that makes some kids give up and others fight. Most teens deal with hard issues, like Jeremy, his parents divorced when he was 5.
At 15 I felt that desperation and pain too. I was living in a group home called Crossroads and felt ignored by a staff named Jim.
My reasoning was to climb the fire escape to the roof. Jim went up after me and I told him I was going to jump.
He said, 'no your not.' So I went towards the fire escape and then turned and ran for the edge. Jim tried to grab me but I darted around him and leapt.
I remeber seeing the ground rush towards me. I heard 3 cracks when I landed and one of the kids asking if I was ok.
That night while I was in hospital, I later found out, another kid went and sat on the roof threatening to jump.
She didn't though so that leads me back to the question what makes some kids give up and others fight? Mental illness? All I felt then and even still is desperation to get away from myself.
I tried to kill myself again at 17. A long history of cutting led me to slit my wrists and wind up with 60 stitches.
Teen suicide is like a tragic epidemic now. Something has gone terribly wrong with this society and system we live in and changes aren't happening.
Life is really short, especially when you break it up into decades.
3 decades have just flashed by me like nothing. I have maybe 4 more to live.
It seems like yesterday I was listening to Micheal Jackson tapes on my walkman and making Jazzy Jewlery.
The only hope I've found in this life is Jesus. Like Im dangling off a cliff and He is not letting go of my hand. :'-)
Rest in Peace Jeremy...
9:40 a.m. –Jeremy comes to class late.

He says he lost his slip to admit him back to class after in-school suspension and he would get another one from the office. He gets a hall pass from the teacher, Mrs. Barnett, then walks to the back of the room, takes off his coat and puts it on his desk. He leaves the room, goes to his locker and removes something, presumably a gun. While walking back to the room, a classmate calls his name but he doesn't turn around. He enters the room, puts his hall pass on Barnett’s desk and says something similar to "Miss, this is what I went for." He then pulls out a gun, puts it in his mouth and shoots. His suicide occurred in room B201 with a .357 Smith & Wesson model 19-4, in front of a full classroom of 30 students

9:47 a.m. –Suicide reported to police

10:30 a.m. –Medical examiner notified

11:00 a.m. –Medical examiner arrives at the scene; Jeremy pronounced dead

12:01 p.m. –Medical examiner orders body to morgue

12:02-12:15 p.m. –Police inspect Jeremy’s locker, #540

12:30 p.m. –Medical examiner transports body by ambulance to morgue

12:50 p.m. –Police attempt to contact Wanda; Joseph already has been contacted, and he notified Wanda's husband

1:20 p.m. –Police arrive at Wanda’s work, after Joseph and his girlfriend; Wanda's husband was expected at 1:30 p.m.

1:30 p.m. –Medical examiner performs an autopsy on 5-foot-8, 128-pound Jeremy. He had green eyes, straight brown hair and three tattoos: a cross on his upper left chest, a "13" on the back of his left hand, and an unspecified one on his left arm. He was wearing a gray sweatshirt, gray T-shirt, jeans, leather belt, white thermal underwear, two pairs of white socks and brown leather work boots. He had a gold left earring, gold necklace, silver watch on his left wrist, black comb in pocket and brown holster in waistband. There were powder burns on his left hand. Later toxicological tests were negative.