Introduction, Who I Am

Hello, this is my first blog. Im going to describe myself as honestly as I can. Im 30 but I still feel like an overwhelmed 12 year old. Like I'll never be ready for this adult life. I want to hide and play my gameboy. I had 33 games and Kid Icarus was my favourite. I am a mother of 4 kids who are under 10! O_o When I try and go out I feel like I am leading a clown circus. Or a mobile zoo. I have a husband who is nice sometimes and other times makes me wish I was dead. I often feel all alone like I am living on a different planet then everyone else and attempting to socialize is like trying to reach out to a star. I feel so far away and different. My religion is Christian but I dont understand why they pick some Jewish laws to follow and some not to. Like no tattoos, but no longer stoning drunks. Are they free by grace or still under the law. They seem to do both. I dont really care though because I can only worry about so much. Christians often play the holier then thou card on me because I act so messed, I do love Jesus and believe on Him though. I cant BE perfect and I hurt so badly inside. I do what I have to to get through. Like I have this guilty pleasure of watching Gerard Butler and salivating over him. But when your husband calls you a stupid bitch you really need an escape. So I also have borderline personality disorder which does not help. My mother was arrested for stealing when I was a baby and called her twin sister to pick me up at the police station. She and her husband watched me along with their own 5 month old baby. They did for a month then one day her husband came home from work and said, wheres Angie? She had had enough and handed me off to a lady on a streetcorner in Toronto. She didnt know her adress or anything. I was taken by CAS after that. 10 months of neglect in foster care damaged my little brain and the mother who adopted me got a cold, angry baby who destroyed everything. I tried killing myself as a teen and was a runaway living on the street with abusive older guys. So now, who am I? A loving mother who is prone to hysterical crying and apathetic depression I also write poetry. Alot of poetry. So that is me, this sweet misunderstood woman :)